To the Right To the Right

“Our right hemisphere is all about the present moment. It is about right here, right now.”

“I looked down at my arm and realized I can no longer define the boundaries of my body. I can’t define where I begin, and where I end. Because the atoms and the molecules of my arm blended with the atoms and the molecules of the wall. And all I can detect was this energy. And I’m asking myself what is wrong with me? What is going on? And in that moment, my left brain chatter went totally silent…And at first I was shocked to find myself inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me. And because I could no longer identify the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive. I felt at one with all the energy that was and it was beautiful there.”

Jill Bolte Taylor’s TED Talk.

Jill Bolte Taylor is describing the stroke she experienced in her mid-thirties. Taylor was a Harvard neuroanatomist, or brain scientist, when she suffered a massive stroke that completely shut down the left side of her brain. The left hemisphere is that part of our brain that contains our Motox Cortex (ability to move), Sensory Cortex (ability to sense the world), Broca’s area (ability to create speech), Wernicke’s area (ability to understand speech), and Orientation Association Cortex (ability to sense physical boundaries, time, and space). As the hemorrhage grew, Taylor experienced the shut down, one by one, of each of these areas. However, as these vital left-brain areas shut down, Taylor felt herself engulfed by a feeling of bliss, expansion and oneness with the universe. She calls it nirvana, and locates the origins of this feeling in the right hemisphere of her brain. The claim, stemming from both Taylor’s neuroanatomy background and personal experience, is that through accessing our right brains more fully, we can all experience the type of nirvana she experienced during her stroke. I think she’s right.

I read her book, My Stroke of Insight, a few days ago, as part of my Book a Week challenge. A good friend of mine highly recommended it to me after she read it, telling me that the book had hit such a nerve with her that she felt as though she finally understood herself:

“I have always felt like I am of two minds—a part of me that is indefatigably joyful and open and loving and the other part being calculating, careful and ambitious.”

This is a common phenomenon. Taylor runs through a litany of names we call our two minds: the head, and the heart. The work brain, and the vacation brain. The thinking brain, and the feeling brain. The masculine brain, and the feminine brain. The brain that speaks to us when we are beholding something beautiful for the first time: the night sky, the open ocean, the Grand Canyon, the Himalaya, and the brain that takes over a few moments later when we return to earth, return to school, return to work.

For me, the past year and a half has been a struggle between the law school brain, and the non-law school brain. During this time, I have felt my left (law school) brain become stronger, more capable at performing left-brained tasks like reading cases, taking exams, asking questions, and felt a satisfaction close kin to the kind of physical satisfaction I feel after working out: my muscles feel stronger, leaner, closer to their full potential. At the same time, I have felt a continual hollowness, an aching feeling that I am just not built to enjoy this work, even as I become more efficient at it. Beginning around this time last year, I began to question why I did not seem to be gaining the same whole satisfaction from work that I sense many people gain. I felt a different type of knowledge and being-in-the-worldness tug at me. I wrote, in this blog:

“How do I live with this sense that we are born knowing how to understand the world, just by being in it, just by being a part of it. That knows we don’t have to lift a finger on this earth to be a part of it, to be beautiful in it. To satisfy every part of our reason for being here we just have to be. Just breathe and be and let the broadness of the world pour in. That there are no words, there is no knowledge that can make this purpose more complete. There is nothing that can be said that will put shape to anything. There is no name that can deepen any meaning, that can bring any clarity. That perhaps the most glorious thing we can do is just take each breath with awareness and die knowing we know what existence is.”

I began to seriously question whether I have been living backwards: escaping to my right brain, but living in my right brain. I have been asking these questions for a long time; after reading Taylor’s book, I feel I finally have an answer. I am someone best fulfilled living in my right brain, visiting my left. This is a personal revelation, and is all well and good. But I also believe, as Taylor does, that the right brain is important for everyone to move into more permanently. Maybe this is just a function of right-brainedness: it’s job is to sense unity, connection, oneness. Of course it wants to invite everyone to the party: it’s throwing the party. But I think it’s more than that. I think that the right brain knows that what it senses (unity, connection, oneness) is something deep, powerful, and most importantly, external to itself. The right brain is not just throwing the party, so to speak. The right brain opens the door to the party that was already there. To switch analogies, the right brain may see something much closer to the “raw data” of reality, without the processing and separating functions of the left brain to put it into categories that make sense to us. When Taylor speaks of seeing everything thrumming with energy once her Orientation Association Cortex shuts down, she is seeing the world atom by atom: the world is no longer carefully and meaningfully segregated into that which is me, and that which is not me. She sees clusters of atoms and other clusters of atoms. She is sensing the world from the perspective of atoms looking at other atoms, not a subject looking at objects. Why is it so awesome that Taylor has located this type of being in the world in a function of the brain?

For one thing, it locates something religions have been talking about for ages in the human brain, rather than in a figure in the sky or a statue on a hill. I think if you talked to Jesus or Buddha, they’d probably say this is what they were talking about all along, but Taylor’s is a form I feel might be slightly more digestible to left-brained people. See this paragraph from Thich Nhat Hanh’s Zen Keys:

“The principle of not-self brings to light the gap between things themselves and the concepts we have of them…Look, for example, at a table. We have the impression that the table itself and our concept of it are identical. In reality, what we believe to be a table is only our concept. The table itself is quite different…For example, a nuclear physicist will tell us that the table is a multitude of atoms whose electrons are moving like a swarm of bees, and that if we could put these atoms next to each other, the mass of matter would be smaller than one finger.

The doctrine of not-self aims at bringing to light the interbeing nature of things, and, at the same time, demonstrates to us that the concepts we have of things do not reflect and cannot convey reality. The world of concepts is not the world of reality. Conceptual knowledge is not hte perfect instrument for studying truth. Words are inadequate to express the truth of ultimate reality.”

Zen Keys, Thich Nhat Hanh

Not-self and inter-being is exactly what Taylor is experiencing, because, according to Taylor, this is how we experience the world when our left brain functions shut off. In other words, seeing the world through the principles of not-self and inter-being are not pie-in-the-sky delusions: they are the very real consequences of seeing the world in a “raw data” way. It has nothing to do with God or heaven, and everything to do with physics. We are all, actually, atoms thrumming with energy. That we don’t see ourselves this way is a product of evolution: it’s easier to survive if you have a membrane of protective skin around your cells, and easier to maneuver within that membrane if you can sense the space between your membrane and the membrane of the bear chasing you. And this is highly important. The left brain is awesome at what it does , and I love my left brain. I just don’t want to live in it all of the time. I don’t think anybody should.

Imagine being able to sense, in the background, that everything, actually, is just atoms thrumming with energy. I have experienced the world this way, on one or two occasions. We all have, in some way or another. Sensing the energy of atoms, sensing that we are, on some level, just a part of that energy. It’s humbling, it is in a true sense self-annihilating, but it is beautiful, and it should be experienced.

Why? No answer will likely make perfect sense to the left brain. The left brain needs reason, logic. I can do my best: if you experience oneness, there will be less wars, there will be more money because there is less wars, the economy will recover. Yes! No?

In fact, you can be very successful without your right brain. Wars are more likely to be won with the left brain (if you were to suddenly move into your right brain during a war, you’d probably just sit down and marvel at how beautiful the dirt is.) You can become top partner, you can make a six-figure salary, and you can build a vacation house in which you house your right brain when it decides to come out for a couple of weeks per year. Being in the right brain only would be disorienting, perhaps terrifying to some people. You wouldn’t get anything done. In fact, by being as fully left brained as you can, you will make worldly success much more likely to happen. Moving into your right brain will probably decrease your chances of earning six figures, making partner, building that vacation house. Why? Because it might show that these things are not as important as your left brain thinks they are. Your right brain is interested in the here and now: in experiencing life in this moment – not waiting until its retired to reap the benefits of its years of hard work. That kind of thinking is satisfying to the left brain: the right brain nows that the present is the only moment we truly have, that the only way to be really happy is to be happy right now. The left brain will balk at all this. It will tell itself it doesn’t need the right brain. And to survive, to materially prosper, even, it might not. But to live a full existence, to be a whole human being, to feel true joy, you need both. I guess it’s like Everest: why be right brained? Why choose to, at least some of the time, experience this vastness? Because you, human, can. Because it’s there. Because once you have, you are changed. Because you’ve felt the answer yourself.

This may not be important to you, but it should. Again, there is no left brained answer to this. It should be important because the type of feeling Taylor experienced, I’ve experienced, you’ve experienced is important. It is what makes life worth living; it is what makes it so wondrous and thrilling and amazing and full of joy. It’s easy to discount those things with your left brain. But if you lack them, you will feel it. In that hollowness, that 3AM anxiety, when a loved one dies, when someone gets sick.

The solution I searched for is the one what Taylor found: live in your right brain, use your left brains skills. Too much, we live in our left brains because those are what bring us acknowledgment, success, money. We fully discount our right brains. Because we do not need them to get through our days, we do not need them to survive or to pass our classes, we ignore them. And we lose meaning as a result, we lose truth, we lose beauty. We think that sense of oneness with everything is just a byproduct of seeing something beautiful, something to be sensed during vacations, and then tossed away when we return to “real life”.

Acknowledge that your vacation brain shouldn’t just be relegated to a few weeks out of the year. Why go through life not knowing what else you might experience? Experiencing “right brainedness” is its own answer. When you feel something beautiful, something enchanting and powerful, you don’t have to ask yourself why it’s important that you’re feeling this. You don’t need a left-brain answer for it. Just let yourself feel it, without trying to categorize or easily reference it. And you’ll begin to expand the way you see life, the way you feel life. You’ll begin to be a more whole person.

“Freed from all perception of boundaries, my right mind proclaims, “I am part of it all. We are brothers and sisters on this planet. We are here to help make this world a more peaceful and kinder place. My right mind sees unity among all living entities, and I am hopeful that you are intimately aware of this character within yourself.
…
Our left brain truly is one of the finest tools in the universe when it comes to organizing information. My left hemisphere personality takes pride in its ability to categorize, organize, describe, judge, and critically analyze everything. It thrives in its constant contemplation and calculation. Regardless of whether or not my mouth is running, my left mind stays theorizing, rationalizing, and memorizing. It is a perfectionist and a perfect housekeeper of corporation or home.”
My Stroke of Insight, Jill Bolte Taylor

coming up

As soon as I’m done with this peculiarly left brained paper, I will be back with a substantive post on how the book My Stroke of Insight has changed my life. Stay tuned!

DO NOTHING

I have to do nothing! But I actually have to do things. And when I try to do things efficiently so that I have time at some point in the day to do nothing I feel super good about it for a few while and then after a week or so I start noticin I feel really disconnected from myself and bad and low and like something important is gone slipping away. And then I have to stop and really do nothing, not planned do nothing, to start feeling the vastness of the universe again come pulling me.

finegan beginegan

There is no guiding light so you should remember that above everything. There is nothing to set you right except yourself. The clock tolls and you think it gives you a semblance of something to set your day by and your days something to set your years by and so on or even gives you the mechanism itself but if you thought of an hour as a sphere or even twenty four hours as a sphere or even all of time as it’s ever been just one neverending nonbeginning bulging globe.

I don’t really think about time because I don’t know how to. I just move in it whichever way it chooses for me, I guess you could say I am a passive traveler or a fish caught in some current but at least the fish probably knows if it’s going forwards or backwards. I may not even be moving. Time may be moving right over my surface like a soft wind brushing the stones of time from one side to the other and my ignorant mass is the obstacle it must pass before starting over again anew. You can almost see it as though a camera pulled back and shot the surface of all being as a desert and my naked body and the sands of time flowing across that body, lying like some neverending dividing line like it stretched in opposition to fact from the beginning of land to the end and was not confined in its own physical truncation and all of the sand must cross that figurative desert of a body and pile up around its other side in gentle waving dunes stretching back as far as anybody could see or care to see. And when the originating side was empty of every grain it would all begin again.

I am very interested in things beginning again. There is so much that can occur, so many lines that can erupt from a single dot. And to be on one line for all of your life? And to not know: where do I go? Why am I going? From whence did I come, to what do I go? I am a simple line, I am a mistaken path. And it trails me wherever I go, like a smear of shit behind me, it follows, it is unshakable, it multiplies: they are my choices, they are the things I choose to do, they are the things I do not care to know, they are my sparrows lined up for me in a straight line twittering that I am wrong I am wrong I am selfish I am wrong.

oh my god!

Full disclosure, this is gonna be the dumbest most awesome post I’ve ever written. Two things: Richard Dawkins and Ray Kurzweil. Three things: Richard Dawkins, Ray Kurzweil and a disclaimer that I majored in English and am now in law school. I know, major disappoint from those who until this point thought I was an authority on all things.

I’m sitting on the train reading Richard Dawkins’ The Selfish Gene, and as you all know it takes me about one point no seconds to become totally convinced of whatever science I’m trying to understand when I’m reading these books I don’t understand, but let me just tell you one thing about this book: it is so good. Even if he is very aggressive and even if he doesn’t get it all right (I am really in no position to evaluate seeing as I have not been keeping up with the literature for the past 40 years) it should be read by everybody. Unless you are already in a position to have an opinion about him, at that point you have probably read enough better books to just skip this one.

But anyways I just got to the part where he’s positing that early life must have begun at the emergence of a “Replicator”, a set of molecules that wouldn’t just randomly bump around until it met more molecules that made it stable, but when it bumped into the right molecules would create an exact replica of itself (or a negative of itself, doesn’t matter). And then these replicators, obviously, would begin increasing exponentially and then survival of the fittest and then the ones with protection would survive most and then we are all replicator protection machines!! The best line so far is: “A monkey is a machine that protects genes up trees, a fish is a machine that preserves genes in the water”. Yeah yeah if you want an actual description of this go read the book. I’m no biologist.

Anyways, the other night I couldn’t sleep and at like 4am (remember I said I think I figured out the secret to not watching 30 rock on repeat? Just wake up regularly in the middle of the night and watch other things) I started watching Transcendent Man, the doc about Ray Kurzweil, the really lovable lookin guy who wrote the book The Singularity is Near about how technology and man are gonna merge.

So because I posses the enviable scientific naiveté of the blissfully ignorant, and I am able to free associate with wonderful creativity amongst the pieces of information I do have. Kurzweil. Dawkins. Dawkins. Kurzweil. HOW DO THEY CONNECT? So I’m thinking about the primordial soup and how crazy it is that not only did enough molecules form together to create monkeys (to protect genes up trees) but they also deliciously collided to form humans like you and me right? And they collided in such a way as to create brains and our brains fire off in such a way as to allow us to think about who we are and what we are doing and EVEN TO WRITE BOOKS ABOUT THE VERY FIRST MOLECULES THAT COLLIDED IN THE PRIMORDIAL SOUP THAT ULTIMATELY BECAME OUR BRAINS THAT FIRED OFF THE NEURONS TO LET US WRITE THE BOOKS ABOUT THE

is it not the craziest thing you’ve ever thought about?!! Anyways, so I was thinking about how if we are the product of random collisions of molecules, how our brains have become so much greater than the random collision of molecules in that they can think about the random collision of molecules and even interfere with the random collision of molecules. Then I started thinking about Kurzweil. Our brains are so tremendous that we (I am using a very generous form of “we”, you and I could not do this) are even at the brink of being able to build other brains. Bringing us to the singularity, the point at which technology advances as such an exponential pace that basically humans will have no choice but to merge with robots or face annihilation. I’m paraphrasing.

And I started to think about creation and the myth of creation. The myth of God creating man confronted with the theory of humans evolving out of the primordial soup. And then I thought about humans evolving to the point where we are on the brink (I am using the term brink loosely, a hundred years? more? less?) of creating a new race of humans. A race that could go on to evolve or create itself past the bounds of all human understanding. And I thought that puts such a crazy spin on the creation myth doesn’t it. It stops being something you think about in the past – when humans were created, and starts being something that may occur in the future – when man creates super-man. And then superman outstrips man – just as replicator molecule outstripped whatever event created it. And in a few thousand years we get not one Bible but all the works of man in literature and art. We get ‘The Human Delusion” by Richard Dawkins great great great great great great great great x 10 granddaughter.

Does that not sound nuts to you??!

a poem by hafiz

The
Heart is right to cry

Even when the smallest drop of light,
Of love,
Is taken away.

Perhaps you may kick, moan, scream
In a dignified
Silence,

But you are so right
To do so in any fashion

Until God returns
To

You.
- Hafiz, “The Heart is Right”

danse macabre

This famous writing teacher I once had told me that if she didn’t write, she’d probably die. I used to think that was true for me, too. But here I am, not writing and not dying. I am in the middle. If I don’t write, I will suffer. But if I write too much, I go crazy thinking about what writing means: why I’m doing it; why it’s important; why it doesn’t mean a damn thing to anybody but me; why when I stopped writing I didn’t die; why I moved on; why my world opened from its blank page and spilled onto the infinite sphere; why I still don’t really know how to look at the world any other way but as something meant to be flattened out onto a screen, somehow, mediocre as it might be, made into my own even though I don’t even feel like I own my own words anymore Everyone’s got the same style, everyone’s thinkin the same thoughts, if they’re thinking them. What is it I put down and can’t stop taking back up? What is it about the mind that it has to keep thinking, wouldn’t stop even if it could but it can’t. Like a goddamn whirling dervish, sometimes thoughts are something let out of hell and it spins and spins. Can’t make your mind stop but can’t do anything with it either, just throw yourself into work and calm the devil inside.

I wonder if I’ll start to write again one day, write real things instead of just taming that wild thing with powell palliatives.

let go and let godot

It’s not all about fun. For awhile, I thought it was, which is something you might laugh at because of the law school thing. But fun is just a way to trick your mind into wrapping itself around something so serious it would crack your skull to think about head on. to let yourself loose from the chains you’ve wrapped yourself in from the time you were a kid, when everything scared the shit out of you and rightly so, to let yourself loose so you can find your way out. nothing’s scarier than finding your way out. nothing’s more necessary. It’s like your dragging your hands across a wall, feeling the prickles on your skin when you pass that magic section, that semipermeable membrane you can almost slip through if you hit it just right. But you’re passin through to something, don’t forget. You’re on your way somewhere else, don’t get stuck in that world between worlds. It happens though, we lose ourselves in fun or work, forget we’re doin it for a reason, not just to do it. Either way you lose out…work yourself to death and forget what you’re working for, or try to feel so good you forget that life doesn’t feel that good, forget how to accept the hard shit, forget how to accept yourself and the way you’re always gonna struggle, the way nothing comes easy and if it does it’s gonna go easy too. Don’t forget you’ve always only ever had the smallest piece of truth pie baby. So how do you do it? How to really come to terms with yourself and your sadness and above all, your silliness?

This isn’t something I would say to just anyone but lately I’ve taken to praying some nights when I wake up at 4AM scared of everything that’s in the world and everything that’s not. I’ll be the first to express my disappointment in this turn of events but what can I say. I don’t believe in God, but when talking about God, the man himself is really besides the point. It’s not about proving that some greater being doesn’t exist. It’s about looking at what believing in something or not believing in something does to a person. A mind can only handle so much before it’s gotta let go and let god, as the saying goes. About being open to something bigger than what you understand or can imagine. And the result? What happens when you tell yourself – believing it or not, feeling what you will about it – that you are a piece of a puzzle so vast you can’t even comprehend the whole thing? You might start seeing things outside of yourself, seeing that the world is not formed around you, does not bend to you, does not know you, moves without you and will not mourn you when you are gone. And you will see that you are not outside of it. You are part of its fabric, nothing in you moves without it moving too. Your mind is made of the same thing the world is made of.

I know this of myself – when I let go of thinking I know everything, I start seeing things I would have ignored before, I start understanding things in a whole other way, and that way is more complex than can be captured by all the language and all the books in the world. But it slips from me, beautiful and fleeting. It’s made to slip. We’re made to mourn its briefness, to deny its absence. Better to tell yourself there’s nothing than that there’s something, you had it once, you will have it for seconds of your life again, and then it passes on, it will never do anything but pass on. And you chase it however you can

These are the questions and answers for the day. Do with them as you will.

dr spaceman

I feel some great sea-change. Quarter-life is a time of evaluation.

But goddamn changing yourself in the middle of an illustrious law school career is hard knocks.

It is like the feeling of sensing a body newly emerged in the heavens. Heavy. Pulling. You can feel it tugging you off your axis. And you are awestruck at its magnitude. To feel that insistent pull. Across the years of your soul. Across your need to be in one place, to know where you are at all times, to follow your known elliptical pattern. To know it is yours, it is an anchor in an empty, unanchored universe.

Then, a new body. Pulling you off the course you have followed since you began. And whatever the new tilt, however slight, changes your course irretrievably. And two things form the constant refrain in your mind: I dare not turn my mind towards the contours of this new body; I dare not turn my mind away.

It can be malevolent; it can be benevolent; it can be impartial to you and your kind. Certain and inescapable as breathing. It is changing you. It is showing you glimpses of your own mortality, your own fallibility, your absolute rootlessness in the sweeping expanse we roll along in. There is something larger than your volition, a greater power than your desire, your best laid plans for yourself to not fuck up. It is showing you that your course…will be fucked up. The narrow course all your life. The tiniest variation and you do not know what to do. You are being confronted with the dream of the sheltered: to know your walls, perhaps to destroy them, perhaps to destroy yourself.

So what does it mean? Powell is unable to cope with large-scale change? Yes. This is for sure. But what else? That I do not know who I am. The answer hit me with slapstick force. I have structured my life precisely so that I will never know who I am, so that I will never be at the mercy of my fallibility. I have lived my life ensuring that I will never know, I will never truly be challenged, I will never discover how I rise or fall to that challenge.

But this is fallibility of its own sort. To live within a circumscribed orbit. To be ever safe and cold. Unknowing even myself, so afraid of my weakness I will never know my strengths. As I said, the dreams of the sheltered. The questions of the circumscribed.

Dreams

Some things never change. I’m wakin up at 2AM more regularly than I’d like to admit and rolling around in my bed by myself asking the important questions. Who am I. What am I doin here. Why does my brain feel so bad. Why did they get rid of courtyard classic at the law school. Ive become so accustomed to this fuckin ritual that if I sleep through the whole night I wake up surprised. And I’m startin to feel like I’m abusing the 30 Rock before bedtime habit. I can’t fall asleep without somethin to calm me down. Sing to me Liz Lemon, rock me to sleep.

In Powell’s absence, shit has gone down and everything sucks again. But that’s the thing, nothing catastrophic has happened. A lot of good shit has happened! School is not crazy stressful (this is untrue, school is going to live and die crazy stressful). I’m workin on some things I care about, and some things I don’t care about. Story of my/your life. I feel simultaneously over and under committed: over for my slacking tastes, under for the sleeper competitive law student in me. I never understand why my inner competitive self ceaselessly fails to realize it is not wanted here. Get outta yere ya dumb bastid.

SO WHAT GIVES

I am tempted to call this out for the bullshit it is. Quantitatively speaking, or whatever the fuck, things should be better this year. Everything is going my way. Figured out life last year? check. Figured out why I’m in law school? check. Summer internship lined up? check. Oh I see. It’s the old “expectations make suckers out of the best of them” trick. I think things should be good, so when they’re not, not only are they not good but I’ve fallen not from 0 to 0, but from 2 to 0. And expectations make you think you’ve got things figured out. When all you have to do is go back and read Powell’s posts, and realize that even back then, I knew I didn’t have shit figured out. See? Damn I was together then. Knowing in my unknowing. How things change, how things fall apart. Thus is life.

Even the best of us fall to shame sometimes.

What do I really think is wrong though? In my heart of hearts. Oh, many things, too many to list here, but one things is that I don’t really know myself. Two things. I don’t know myself, and my imagination’s shot. Dealing with the second, Life is as beautiful and full as you imagine it to be. And if, like me, your imagination needs a kickstart, life is as beautiful as art imagines it to be. Films. Books. Photographs. Don’t give your soul food to grow on and it stagnates and deflates and begins to disappear and you have nothing left to funnel your overactive terror and anxiety into until you realize the terror of life is overwhelming you. You are lying in bed as though you are thinking about whether you will do well on your exams this year, or whether or not you are progressing as well as you might be in climbing, or whether you will keep forgetting to go to yoga this week as well but really you are thinking about life and how hard it is to live it in a way that keeps you from feeling, in your core, that you are afraid of it, that it is too much, that you will fail it in some simple, vital, elemental way. You are a sad and sorry artless self and you are frantically searching for something to give your overtaxed brain meaning as it wakes in the night and, seeing nothing familiar to hold onto in the unnamed and shapeless dark, slips into an unnamed and shapeless fear.

So you look up Kurosawa’s Dreams on Netflix, and you begin to try to climb your way back into the arms of art. The ceaselessly comforting arms of those who see the world as you do, where you do not have to feel (as you do, everyday, in law school) that you are looking at life from inside a child’s cheap plastic kaleidoscope, but that you look at it in the only way there is to look at it. That there is a name for your fear and a name to counter it as well.

Thats all I got for ya this time, I’m gonna try to get back to sleep now.